The signs of being trapped in a toxic relationship may not always be obvious or clear to see while you’re on the inside. It can be a gradual process of the bad slowly outweighing the good in any relationship before you begin to question things.
Quite often this starts with you beginning to question the relationship as a whole. Things like not remembering the last time you had enjoyment or pleasure from spending time with your partner will keep creeping to the forefront of your mind.
These are not a good sign and a bad omen if you want to actively make a change or have a healthy relationship.
Toxic relationships can inflict long term damage. Those who have survived them can find it difficult to trust or accept new partners and healthy relationships. Your self-confidence can also take a big hit. It can take a long time to recover from these relationship environments fully.
These 19 warnings signs that you are in a toxic relationship will give you a clear insight into the things to look out for.
#1: They have no interest in listening to you or don’t care about what you have to say.
You may be trying to talk to your partner about how your day has gone or telling them a story someone told you in work. Only to find they quickly lose interest or “tune out” and it’s falling on deaf ears.
While it’s not uncommon for people to be busy, tired, or generally have a lot on their minds. It’s a bad sign if you can’t even talk to your partner and hold their interest.
It could be their way of subtly saying “you don’t matter enough to be listened to.” and shows a lack of respect for your thoughts and feelings. At this point, they might have mentally checked out of the relationship.
Communication is key in any healthy relationship. If you allow your partner to continue ignoring or blanking you. It will only make things worse for the relationship and for your own self-confidence.
#2: You feel like the relationship is hard work and becoming something of a “chore”.
Keeping a healthy relationship will always be hard work for both partners. However, if you are both doing your part it shouldn’t feel like it. You both do things and often compromise to keep each other happy, but when this stops that is when the problems arise.
If your relationship feels like a complete and utter chore, with your partner not pulling their weight or even attempting to lend a helping hand. Then this is a sure-fire sign that you’re in a bad or toxic relationship.
You should both be trying to build a solid foundation for your relationship to grow and thrive. If it’s only you doing most the work and your partner makes no attempt to help or doesn’t even seem bothered. This is the perfect recipe for a bad relationship. It’s likely time to call it quits or demand a change in your partners behavior.
#3: They never accept who you are and will always try to change or “fix” the things you do.
Every one of us is different and unique with our own characteristics, habits, and behaviors. A good, healthy relationship is always built on the understanding and acceptance of each other’s quirks or flaws.
If your partner is constantly having a hard time accepting who you are as a person or is always trying to change and fix the things you do. Then this is already a bad sign.
They might try to take every available opportunity to change the way you think, behave or even how you dress. While secretly having this image of their “Perfect partner” in their head.
If this sounds familiar then it’s likely you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, and your partner is hell-bent on changing the real you. It’s time to make a decision or question them on why they can’t accept who you really are.
#4: Your partner often puts you down in public and to friends and family.
While out in public with your partner, or spending time with friends and family. A great partner that oozes love and respect for your feelings should only ever positively talk about you in a good light. They should always seem happy or thrilled to bring you up and discuss the things you get up to or share together.
While this might not always be the case, and they might still occasionally say the bad thing about you here and there. The one-off occasions do not doom the relationship for failure.
Things that can are times that your partner takes great pleasure in talking about you in a bad way. They treat you like some kind of enemy more than a life partner or even a friend.
Toxic partners will talk badly about or criticize your intelligence, appearance and even your career choices. They will do this frequently in public, and also choose to bring things like this up in front of you with friends and family.
You will need to nip this behavior in the bud quickly, or it can escalate into arguments or a potential breakup around the corner.
#5: You’re always making excuses for them and their behavior.
In any relationship good or bad, you may occasionally find yourself in the position of having to make excuses for your partner. While this might seem normal, or the reasons for doing it seem agreeable enough at the time. It becomes more serious when your partner begins to rely on these habits from you.
You have effectively been programmed to be someone that enables these bad behaviors or habits in your partner.
They will often call on you to excuse them from conflicts with family and friends, or even give reasons why they say and do the bad things they are doing.
Many toxic relationships involve emotional control of this nature. If you happen to change your own behavior at this point and stop making excuses for them suddenly. This will be greeted by your partner putting their walls up. They don’t want to lose this control over you and will use emotional blackmail and other tricks to get it back.
It’s at this point that you should consider the overall health of the relationship. It’s a good idea to seek help or consider other options if they can’t accept losing control.
#6: They show signs of resenting your happiness and success.
Part of building the foundation for a healthy relationship is to be fully supportive in pushing for your partner to succeed. You should be actively encouraging each other to go for a new exciting job or following your dreams.
Nothing good can come of any relationship where one partner is actively trying to hold the other back in life.
Resentment or jealousy of success you see in your partner should be a huge warning sign. You will ask yourself things like “Why don’t they want to see me happy?” or ” Why are they not helping me to succeed or better myself?”.
Both are key questions that will cloud your mind and eventually see your self-confidence suffering as a result. This is extremely selfish behavior being exhibited from your partner and shows a lack of maturity.
If this continues it’s likely a good idea to seek out a new relationship where your partner has the same level of aspirations as yourself.
#7: Your partner will cause silly or pointless arguments over nothing.
There is no such thing as a perfect couple and fights or arguments can occur in even the best relationships. While not uncommon, having arguments doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not in a healthy relationship. Sometimes we just need to vent frustrations or feelings that build up over time.
You should be more concerned however if your partner starts to keep picking a fight over the most pointless, and silly things. While at first, it may seem like something minor. If they continue day after day then you have a big problem on your hands.
If you find yourself getting into full-blown rows over what you watch on TV or something minor like they can’t find their favorite t-shirt. It’s a sign that the relationship is turning toxic and something needs to change.
Your partner is either very bored and needs something to occupy their mind. Or you are growing from friends into enemies sick of the sight of each other. If so it’s time to cut loose before things go really south!
#8: They bring up your flaws and constantly criticize you.
Nobody is perfect and everyone has flaws whether this is in your character, appearance or actions. While we may not always look to expose them or try our best to keep them under wraps. A good partner should always be happy to accept you the way you truly are, flaws and all.
If your partner seems to have a malicious or spiteful streak and are constantly criticizing you and bringing up your flaws in public or private. Then you should begin to question their behavior.
Criticism that is not constructive about the way you dress or act will often be masked as helpful advice. Don’t fall into the trap of allowing or enabling this behavior. If you do it will not end any time soon.
If your partner takes “What seems like” great pleasure in bringing up your flaws and constantly criticizing you. This should not be left unchecked. You should ask yourself, is this toxic environment really worthwhile?
#9: You do not share anything in common with each other.
While the old saying does run true that opposites do attract. A healthy relationship thrives when both partners actively create common interests together. They will share hobbies or ask each other to get involved with their personal interests. It’s a great way of creating memories as a couple.
Quite often the foundation of a relationship can be built on lust or desire. Meaning that the fact you share zero in common with your partner has been overlooked.
After some time has past and the honeymoon period of a relationship inevitably fades away. You often begin to realize or question the commonalities you both share.
At this point, if your partner shows no interest in your hobbies or a lack of enthusiasm for even creating new ones together. It can be an uphill battle to justify in your mind the longevity of the relationship.
#10: They’re passive-aggressive as hell.
Some of the worst and most toxic of relationships are usually flooded to the brim with sneaky and hurtful passive-aggressive statements. They will leave you feeling worthless, or like you can’t break through to what your partner is feeling or wanting to say.
Overly passive-aggressive partners will sometimes have a tendency to put up barriers and be withdrawn emotionally. You will hear things like “I’m only joking” or “I’m not mad” which will leave you feeling like they have a lot more to say to you.
When communication takes a hit in any relationship it’s sure to affect things. You will start to feel like the relationship is “on hold” and your constantly waiting for the storm to settle before moving on.
It will slowly begin to eat away at your trust and feelings for your partner and inevitably ends up in heated arguments about the things they say along with the true meanings.
[Read: 15 Surefire Signs Your Boyfriend Is Toxic]
#11: The love you give feels one-sided and is never returned.
Any good and solid relationship will always be developed on the understanding it’s a two-way partnership. You should both be actively looking for any opportunity to show your partner how much they mean to you. Sharing moments of love or lust.
Unrequited love, on the other hand, is a different story. If you openly tell and do things for your partner that shows how much you love them, but this is never returned. Your self-confidence and view on the relationship as a whole can take a serious hit.
Toxic relationships where you find yourself in the position of seeking out any small or tiny gesture of affection from your partner are a bad sign. You will begin to doubt yourself or feel like you’re not good enough for your partner.
Once feelings like these creep in, and there is no sense of love or affection from your partner. Everything is “on hold” and you will question whether the relationship is dead in the water.
#12: You both make plans or do things to avoid spending time together.
Spending valuable time together is not always easy. However, it’s one of the key components of any good relationship. Things like date nights or taking weekend trips away should both be things you aim to do together more often. If on the other hand you both actively avoid each other and make plans without each other in mind. This is a huge red flag that should be confronted.
It’s a sure-fire sign of a relationship that’s in a downward spiral if you barely spend any valuable time together. Maybe one of you is consistently trying or asking, but your partner is refusing an ideas or suggestions. Either way, it won’t take long for things to become toxic or heated for the wrong reasons.
Do you both often stay behind at work and give no real reason? Or would you rather spend more time with friends and family than your partner? These are both questions that need to be confronted for the health of the relationship.
You should both talk openly and question the things that are pulling you both apart. It could be something as simple as getting into a “Routine” each week and you both not noticing. In any case, tackle why you don’t spend time together and make a change.
#13: They’ve changed so much that they’re not the same person you fell in love with.
While nobody is perfect and people often change their habits, characteristics or looks overtime. If you find yourself longing for what it was like at the start of the relationship. It could be a sign that things have changed with you as a couple, and not for the better.
You may have spent whole days in bed together, or gone for romantic walks and steamy weekends away. However it now it feels like that rarely happens or you are barely spending any time together.
Their personality may have also changed. You may have noticed they show less affection or treat you nothing like they did before. This could be a sign they have grown too comfortable with the way things are, or perhaps it goes deeper and they are starting to question the relationship as a whole themselves.
Having the feeling your partner is not the person you fell in love with is already a signal of toxicity creeping into the relationship. You need to confront the issue, and question why things are not the way they were in the beginning or honeymoon period of the relationship.
#14: Your partner stops you doing the things you enjoy.
We should all have our own hobbies, interests or things we personally enjoy doing each week that will keep us happy. A healthy relationship is built around both partners being happy for each other’s enjoyment while they undertake different interests, even if they don’t fully understand or enjoy them personally.
Its a seriously bad sign if your partner is trying to stop you doing the things you enjoy. Perhaps they will constantly criticize the things you enjoy or even control when and how you do them.
If this is happening it’s showing you that they are exhibiting controlling behavior that can affect the overall happiness of a relationship.
While not easy, if left unchecked it won’t be long until your not allowed to do anything you enjoy. You will find yourself in a dull environment that revolves around what your partner believes your interests should be.
It’s best to re-affirm why you enjoy your interests, hobbies, and things you do to your partner. If they still can’t accept them or are not willing to see your viewpoint. It’s time to escape this toxic relationship environment that’s emerging.
#15: They will often accuse you of cheating and are fiercely jealous.
Even if you are in a healthy relationship. It’s not unheard of to question some of the things your partner may do. Or perhaps you find yourself wondering about someone your partner seems to gravitate around or be very close to. Trust in your partner is crucial. If you both have understanding, trust and are kept in the loop. This goes a long way to fend off any accusations and jealousy that may arise.
If on the other hand, you have tried and pleaded with your partner to have trust in you. Then they still insist on saying things like “Who was that guy you talked to on Friday?” or “I Do Not want you talking to that guy in work.” then the problems are bigger than you may have thought.
It won’t be too long until this behavior progresses into them flat out accusing you of cheating or being unfaithful. They have grown to be super possessive and the accusations and jealousy about this person in your life is their way of seeking control over you.
A partner would rarely accuse the other of cheating unless they have connected some dot’s in their mind. Or perhaps do not know the full turn of events and are seeking answers.
At this stage, it’s crucial to fill in the blanks to help build trust. You need to ask them things like “What do you want to know about this person?” or say “I’m happy to tell you everything you need to know, and there is nothing untoward going on”.
Without assurances or an attempt to rebuild trust. The path to a toxic relationship has already been taken as your partner has begun the process of checking out of the relationship. Emotionally and psychically.
#16: You’re losing self-confidence and your self-esteem is plummeting.
Looking out for and boosting your partner’s self-confidence or self-esteem with little gestures, cute comments or saying how great they look all go a long way. They will give your partner some extra get up and go while sending their confidence levels through the roof and make anything seem possible.
The flip side of this which is a very common symptom of a toxic or unhealthy relationship is when one partner actively seeks to chip away at your self-confidence.
They may even appear to take great pleasure in passing nasty or hurtful remarks onto you. While not really caring about the impact. This is a seriously bad sign and could be an indication of how they talk about you to other people.
If you find yourself in this situation feeling drained or a shell of the person you were at the start of the relationship. It’s time to assess your options and consider whether or not this relationship is worth being continued. Or perhaps a fresh start is the better option.
#17: You’ve been hoping it would get better for far too long.
Rarely in a good relationship will you find yourself hoping things would get better. You are living in the moment, and spending time together each and every day enjoying life and love. Sure things like work, money, or family can get in the way. However, in general, life is looking great!
If you find yourself in the position that nothing clouds your mind more than the hope for things to get better and improve in the relationship. Then this is already a sign nothing is being done to escape a toxic relationship mindset.
Both partners need to create an open, trusting or sharing partnership that is seeking improvement. Without this, your partner may not even know you’re longing for things to get better.
Whether it’s the simple day to day things, spending more time together or perhaps spicing things up in the bedroom. You need to make a point of bringing these up and look to make a change.
If your partner is not willing or has no intention of changing the way things are. That’s a huge red flag for the relationship. It’s often at this stage couples seek relationship counseling or outside help.
#18: They’re ultra-possessive and want to control your life.
While being overly controlling or possessive is not a common trait for many healthy relationships. There are instances where you may need to step in and control things on certain occasions. Whether this is helping your partner with their finances, or perhaps giving them advice or guidance.
The key difference here is that they likely fully consent and agree with you helping to guide them in the right direction.
It can become a huge problem however if your partner tries to take control of all aspects of your life. They might try to control how you dress, who you talk to or even who you are friends with. When this is happening, even just the sense of losing control is scary enough.
It’s a sure-fire sign you are in a toxic relationship. Your partner may even find ways to know things about your day to day life even if you don’t tell them. It can become quite intimidating in a stalker-like way and needs to be tackled head-on.
If they show no sign any time soon of loosening the reigns they have on you. It may be time to seek help or call it quits. Bear in that controlling or possessive partners can make for pretty scary ex-partners. The control will not stop if the relationship ends.
#19: You feel like you can’t be yourself around them.
For a relationship to progress and be happy and healthy. Both partners should always feel like they can be themselves, sharing happiness and affection openly as a couple.
However, you might feel like you can’t be yourself around your partner. They may have a personality that feels suffocating or have bad moods and emotional swings that leave you feeling on edge.
If you’re sick of walking on eggshells around them. Then it’s a sign that you are slowly creeping towards a toxic relationship where your freedom to speak or act the way you like has been taken away.
It can often have the side effect of making you feel worthless or invisible. Leaving your self-confidence taking a nosedive. I may seem hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but changes must be made.
You need to confront the issue head-on and question why you can’t be yourself around them. Once these things have been considered, confront your partner and explain the issues your having. You can also seek help from a third party or even a counselor who can guide you forward as a couple, or individually.